found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
