When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
