batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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