I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
