He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish I only lived at night.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
