im drinking this country out of the recession.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
