Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
