Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
