Whod you bang
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
