There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
