yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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