I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
