Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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