This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
