five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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