You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
