those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
