Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Damn victory sex feels great
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
