if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
