Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
