I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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