Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you never un-have a 4some
my liver is dry heaving
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
