there was a trapeze. enough said
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
