just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
