why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
