three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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