4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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