You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
