another moral hangover. fuck.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
