...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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