Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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