I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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