I looked at my own cervix.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
