Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
