Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
