You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
