I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
