What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
