somebody snuck up and got me drunk
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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