i just had sex bonerless
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
