god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
