My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm both gender and math confused
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
