Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
