There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
