saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
