I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
