I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
the liver wants what the liver wants
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
