hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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