Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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