Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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