How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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