I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
