dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
