College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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