I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
